Confessions of Akatsuki
by iamofthedesert
Summary: Interveiws with all 10 Akatsukis. Yes, even the dead ones. They talk about their childhoods, obsessions, choices they have had to make, and loves.
1. Hidan

Chapter 1:

Chapter 1:

Hidan

"I remember one time when I was in the academy when What's-her-face-Sensei was training my class to control charka to climb trees and stuff. I was a failure. She told me that it would be hard to become a shinobi after that. Look at me now, bitch! I'm an Akatsuki! Ha! In your face!" Hidan shook a fist at the ceiling. "I can't believe I still remember that. It was so long ago." He chuckled. "Another thing I remember like… 7 years ago! Itachi's psychotic little brother and his boyfriend or whatever were playing some queer-ass game! Kakuzu dared me to go in and punch the Uchiha uke kid in the face. I did then they attacked. Kakuzu, that wimp, hauled ass out of there while I had to fight them off. It was easy though. Saucy or whatever used his canary thinger dinger and the Kiyuubi kid used his swirly little thing… Or whatever. I pwned ass, what's more to say?" He leaned back on two legs of his chair. "Oh! And of coarse I still remember when I met Kakuzu! That… Was one of the weirdest times of my life… It was April 27th of some year… He was just thrown out of some bar for getting in a fight and KOing like… 5 people. It was pretty funny! Of coarse, he tried to kill me cause I was laughing at him. He blew my head off and I kept laughing and cussing. He was so freaked out! I told him to sew my head back on to my body. (I didn't know he had those creepy tentically rapey things yet.) After he did, we went out for coffee. I guess you can say we're inseparable now, even though it seems like we hate each other."


	2. Kakuzu

Chapter 2:

Chapter 2:

Kakuzu

"Hmm… Now what do I remember… I remember my first job! Ha! Now that was just too fun! I bet you would never guess what it was." Kakuzu chuckled. "I remember my boss guy person thing… Chrome… I called him 'Chrome Dome' because he was completely bald and he was always sweaty so his head was always shiny. It grossed me out. I miss that job. Of coarse, now I'm too ugly or creepy or whatever to do it anymore." He sighed. "Oh! And when Hidan said I dared him to punch Sasuke in the face, he lied. He wanted _ME_ to do that. But he was telling the truth about punching him in the face. He got the hell out of there right after that though." He chuckled again. "I remember when I got my very first piggy bank… I still have it… Pathetic, right? But don't be giving me any shit about it because I got it when I was 4. that's pretty much 300 years ago, so just shut up." A thin black and white cat leaped up onto the zombie's lap. "Oh! And of coarse I couldn't forget the day I found my little Kobe-kins!" He scratched the cat behind its ears making it purr violently. "Heh… The only problem with having Kobeashimaru around is that Hidan and Pein are deathly allergic to cats." He dropped the small cat back to the floor. "Hidan I don't really care about, considering he's 'unkillable', but Sousui… I just don't want him to kill me. Oh, and my job was a model. I told you you wouldn't guess it."


	3. Sasori

Chapter 3:

Chapter 3:

Sasori

"Um… Apparently this writer doesn't make me talk much, so I'm just gonna say a few things… That's all." The redhead blushed and looked down at his feet.

"Damn right you don't talk!" A young redhead wearing too much eyeliner poked her head in and waved her fist at Sasori.

"Shut up and let me talk, woman!"

"Right, right. Go ahead, Sori-kun!" She pulled her face out of the doorway and walked down the hall.

"Sorry about that, she normally doesn't do that. Um… So yeah… Deidara's gonna do most of the talking for me, but I will say a few things…" He looked back down at his feet again. "I remember one time when Deidara and I were talking… He asked why Orochimaru left the Akatsuki. I told him it was because Itachi turned him down, which he did. Deidara was all 'What the hell!?'. I told him it was because Orochimaru asked Itachi to offer his body to the old man in return for power… Yeah… I'm done…"


	4. Deidara

"So, this one time, I was like, walking down the stairs and stuff, and Hidan was like, walking up, and then we both got stuck

"So, this one time, I was like, walking down the stairs and stuff, and Hidan was like, walking up, and then we both got stuck then he started cussing like… Him, and stuff… Un." The blonde smiled brightly at his story.

Hidan glared at Dei. "...You're fucking calling me FAT, aren't you, bitch?"

Deidara's face went completely blank, then he smiled again. "…Nani?"

"Uhg, never mind."

"No No No! I wasn't calling you fat! You know how thin that stairway is, un! You're not fat whatsoever! If anything, I'M the fat one!"

"HA! J00 m4k3 m3 l4ugh. Kakuzu 15 t3h f47 0n3." Hidan smirked. Kakuzu glared at him.

"I'm not FAT, okay? I might have a slight beer belly or something like that, but that does NOT make me fat!" Kakuzu puffed out his bottom lip and pouted.

"Ohmai… Kuzu-kun, un?"

"Nyeh, what."

"…What are we all here for…un?"

"In a circle in the meeting room?" Kakuzu shrugged. "I don't know."

Tobi flailed his arms around in the air. "OHOHOH!! TOBI DOESN'T KNOW EITHER!!"

"Um… right…"

"Does anyone know why we're here, un?"

_No response._


End file.
